Quote:
Originally Posted by missbella
Kiwi,
I read your post quickly for the gist, but gathered #8 was a contemptuous bully and seemed to have a fantasy she could browbeat your reactions out of you. If scolding worked, we'd all be thin, healthy multi-lingual Nobel Prize winners.
I had tremendous guilt leaving AMA, feeling like I was truant. I had this irrational self-blame that leaving this scold meant I was walking away from a better life, though intellectually I knew he hadn't helped me in the slightest. (Actually there were bullying co-therapists, but the man was more confrontational and cruel.)
As you describe, I had a cross-country move and big life change not long after. It kept me busy building my life, but I examined and re-examined the harmful episode over the years. Time and distance gave me more insight and perspective. It happens in layers.
The silver lining is this interval helped dissuade me from the concept of gurus and strong men. No one is a mystical healer, and I'm the expert and driver of my own life. Anyone who represents herself as an answer lady or guru is a pretender.
So sorry this happened to you.
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Thank you for your words and reading what you could of my story... I know it was quite long!! Interestingly, I don’t see T#8 as a bully or mean or evil person. Truly I think she wanted the best for me, but that got muddled with potentially countertransference and her inexperience in the field. I learned from this experience though that when you are hurt by someone, whether or not they intended it doesn’t change the fact that you were hurt and now are responsible for healing.
I get what you are saying about feeling guilty for leaving AMA. To me it even felt like the practitioners (T#8 and her supervisors) were suggesting that I NEED them in my life to be well... how disempowering and insulting and confusing that felt. But I believe you are right — no one is a mystical healer, and I am my own expert.