Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
Kiwi, thanks so much for sharing your story. The clarity and detail in your descriptions of your feelings and the effect that T#8's "treatment" had on you make it clear that invalidation and humiliation by a therapist can have adverse effects in a person way above and beyond anything they went into therapy with.
It's interesting that the neurologically based EMDR was helpful to you like neurofeedback was for koru_kiwi.
And it's sad but maybe significant, too, that the supervisor and director of the clinic were also dismissive and invalidating. "You (as a person) don't count, only us" sounds like their attitude? Seems to me that can destroy a sense of self. Not only does that feel awful, it can also be a very dangerous situation. I wonder if there was anything like that going on when you decided to go back to T#8? She had destroyed or damaged some things in you but then you needed HER to bolster what you then lacked? Maybe not, please forgive my speculation if it doesn't make sense or seems out of line.
So glad you have persisted and made it through!
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Thank you, here today, for your response and for reading this post. Glad to see you are still active on here!
And yes, if I am understanding accurately what you are saying, then that sounds right to me (what you said about damaging my sense of self). It was a very confusing situation to say the least.. I had felt so hurt by her, but I kept myself with her for so long and there was something addicting about it almost... Most weeks, going to our sessions was the highlight of my week. And then of course it got to the point where I decided I would rather take a break and save money because deep down I knew she wasn’t really helping me. So how strange it was to say goodbye (the first time) and be hit with such a tsunami of negative emotions when I had felt so confident beforehand that this was the right decision. And then how doubly strange to feel so comforted by her phone call after that and by the fact that I knew we were going to see each other again, even though I had previously felt so bitter towards her. It was indeed like I was on a brutal roller coaster that tossed me around and had me changing my mind left and right about how I felt about T#8 and the whole situation. I believe it can be compared to a child who finds herself stuck with parents who tell her they love her, but who are troubled themselves and cannot adequately take care of the child.... The child is hurt by her caretakers, but she is a child and therefore dependent on them and has no choice but to keep running back to them (and their abuse). (Of course, I did have a choice and wasn’t totally helpless, but I was in a very different place mentally than I am now).