i would never cheat. i know that deep down i dont really want "to do" anything with my t.a. I don't want to just move on. Its not like we've only been together a few months. I mean, we've lived together for over a year and a half and were dating before that when he went to school at ohio state.

i guess i know that im "straying" because of everything thats going on right now. Im not even really straying per se. Its not like Im saying "you have problems so Im out" because i have problems too. I feel like thats what it started out as, me having some crush. Then as I was typing it it became more of, he has these problems and theyre making me freak out now. I just dont know how to deal with it anymore.

I feel like ive tried everything. the compassion and understanding didn't work. So I tried the tought love thing. Threatening, pleading.... he just doesnt get it. So it's like my brain's natural repsonse when I don't know how to solve the problem to just go elsewhere. I have done that with other guys but I dont want to with him.

Im just afraid that if it stays this way much longer that I wont be able to get those feelings back. He is going back to school in the fall and will then have insurance through the school. Im going to talk to him about going to counseling for his anxiety. A large part of what happens will depend on his answer.

I think he is willing to try, he just doesnt know how to "fix it". And he gets so nervous around new people that he has a real problem with things like therapy. But I don't feel like I can be my own person and his therapist at the same time.

Its almost like, everything that goes wrong we can pintpoint to one thing: anxiety and paranoia. so it took us a long time to figure that out, now we don't know where to go from here. Its like, "okay we know the problem, now how do we change it?"

the t.a. thing just scared me because since weve been together i havent really found a guy extremely attractive. so it freaked me out that i did.