You can’t “make” your wife happy—you can do your uttermost to be the best husband and Dad you can be, which it sounds like you are doing your hardest to do. But at a certain point your wife has to make a conscious choice to be your PARTNER in life, and it sounds like she is abandoning that role. And your prime directive (I believe) is to protect your kids.

As a sort of additional question, which maybe has nothing to do with anything, has your wife, since you married, tended to influence you to be more distant to your family (mom, dad, siblings) or friends or colleagues from work or organizations (church, ball team, etc.)?

And...does she bounce back and forth between being very loving and charming one day, and something will “anger” her and she’ll switch to cold, cruel and distant, or she’ll become angry, shouting and mean?

Her current behavior suggests she may also do those things.