I'm so sorry, @Nxious Those are all AWFUL things to go through. I am deeply sorry. If it can help, you're DEFINITELY not alone here. I'm here for you and so are many others. Feel free to PM me anytime when you need someone to talk to. I'll try to get back at you as soon as I possibly can. Are you seeing a therapist right now? Please DO consider it if you're not seeing one already and if you can afford it. Either way, you'll find support here. It's hard to find distractions when anything can trigger painful memories. Is there anything that gives you even just a little bit of joy? Anything that you may do to pass the time and think of something else? Perhaps you can think about that. Please hang in there and NEVER give up. I AM DEEPLY SORRY THAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS, NXIOUS!