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Originally Posted by koru_kiwi
this was one of the most difficult aspects of the therapy harm for me to personally come to terms with. my ex-T wasn't being evil or malicious...he actually has quite a big kind heart and means well, but it was mainly his own unresolved/ unknown underlying issues and countertransference sprinkled with a bit of a lack of competency to work with my complex issues that lead to most the harm. it's this conflict, plus the fact that i cared deeply for him, and still do as a person (and he says he cares for me too), that has been the most challenging to understand, except, and to get my head and heart fully around.
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This was very, very difficult for me as well. T#8 was a nice, sweet, and caring person. But similar to your ex-T it sounds like, she had her own unresolved issues I believe as well as inexperience. I understand it now, but for a while the fact that she was so nice and sweet made it all seem so unreal.... How could someone like that actually have hurt me so incredibly much? That really messed me up. I thought I must’ve been making all this up or just being way overly dramatic. I often found myself WISHING that she had just physically hit me or put her hands on me in some way or done something so blatantly harmful and unethical, just for me to feel more justified and validated in how hurt I felt...