Your story reads like the fairy tale, Cinderella. A father who loves his children marries a woman who hates his children and tries to blame them for her own wicked, manipulative personality and behavior.

You've shown yourself to be a responsible, loving, empathic father and husband. Yet, your 2nd wife continues to push back with flack because she's not getting her way -- removing your children from her marriage to you -- because she doesn't like them. If your 2nd wife doesn't like your children now, she's never going to like them. She has time, but she doesn't prioritize her marriage to you, or her relationship with your children as being important or she would invest in the time to do the work she NEEDS to do to make her marriage to you work, and her step-mother role to your children be successful.

Frankly, she doesn't prioritize you or your family above her own selfish needs. Whenever someone makes the excuse, "Oh, I don't have time," it's not that they don't have time b/c they do. They just don't want to make the other person a priority, and just wants to keep that person (you, and the welfare of your children) an option. She prioritizes every other area of her life, over the wellbeing of you and your children. Does that make sense? She has time. She just doesn't want to justify changing her priorities b/c she doesn't view marriage counseling or spending time bonding with your children as her top priority, which is pretty awful of her.

My gut tells me your 2nd wife will continue to create excuses, transfer blame, project her own psychological problems onto each of your children, until she has you backed into a corner; where you choose her over your children -- b/c that is what she wants ultimately. She views your children as a barrier to having you lavish your focus and attention on her 100% of the time.

I know married couples with your exact dynamic and it's very uncomfortable to be around; where one spouse is the step-parent who HATES the other spouse's children or likes them but is dismissive of their feelings all the time.

I was friends with a woman whose 2nd husband acted like your 2nd wife -- he constantly berated her daughters and gaslighted my friend every time she pointed out his manipulative, dismissive behavior. He didn't like that and refused to attend marriage counseling with her. So, she divorced him after putting up with his emotional abuse of her and her three daughters. She put up with his abuse for five years before she threw in the towel and believe me, it was difficult since he was the breadwinner and she was in graduate school and only working part-time.

You've done EVERYTHING a responsible adult in your situation is supposed to do yet your 2nd wife is acting like a self-centered, spoiled child, b/c she refuses to participate in your marriage 50/50 as both a wife and a step mother to your wonderful children.

You need to ask yourself; is this woman someone you want to spend the next 50 years arguing with? Do you want to expend your emotional reserves every day, arguing with her, defending your children, for the next 50 years?

Step-spouses either mesh with their inherited children (whatever the age) or they won't. It sounds like from your post, that your 2nd wife refuses to work on creating and establishing a relationship with boundaries with your young children b/c she's either immature and doesn't like children, or she really has poor parenting skills and needs to learn how to be a parent. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I hope you can make the best choice for you and your children. After all, their well-being and safety come first. Please don't stay married to this woman if she refuses to change. It will only get worse. She will only get worse.