I am curious, was she always like this with them? Did you marry hoping it was going to change?

Personally I think you are very incompatible on this issue and it's an issue that is a deal breaker. You are always going to be a parent and you will need to put your kids first. Someone marrying a parent should realize that, but I guess she didn't.

For example, I don't want children - biological or step, adopted, whatever. So, I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who has children. It would not be fair to the kids. I ended a relationship with someone who turned out to want kids and I married someone that doesn't have them or want them.

So, now that you find yourself in this situation, I agree with others that it does not sound like it is going to get better. She doesn't seem to show any interest in working on her behavior or counseling, at leas from what I read in your post. I think you have to take some time for some reflection on this and seriously consider separating unless she shows some willingness to change and work on the problem.