I will share more details about it when I’m not as tired.

I don’t feel like I deserve his help.

My diagnosis has now made me hate myself.

This is all anonymous, right?

Okay, he diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder which is my worst fear.

I don’t want to hurt everyone I care about. I don’t want it to turn me into a monster.

Last night, I looked up possible causes of it. One reason seemed to be due to childhood trauma.

I had a lot of trauma in my childhood because my parents wanted to run off and do their own thing.

Then when my mom married my violent stepdad who used to beat me senseless. A teacher at school noticed and called CPS. But when they arrived, my mom begged me to lie and say that he never touched me.

There was no one to protect me as a child.

When I was 10, they had twins (my brother and sister). And my job became to protect them. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt them. So I kept them safe even though I had no one to look after me.

But maybe my childhood ruined me.