Oh, Hope. Your history, your abuse and the effects of that on you as a child left an imprint on you. I suspect most of us here have diagnoses the ultimately are the result of our history. The diagnosis describes observations about your symptoms that are a result of that history of abuse. You are not a monster, and your diagnosis can't turn you into a monster.

Your story strongly resembles my husband's upbringing, and he also has displayed characteristics of bpd. But you know what? Rather than focus on the diagnosis, my husband and his therapist worked on how he can find some healing from that upbringing and how he can work towards healthier ways of response, healthier ways of self-care, healthier ways of communication, better insight into his tendency toward reactivity.

That's why your therapist sees it as important to stick with therapy and not rely on medication management to try to control symptoms. Medication will only go so far, but you are VERY capable of working towards some healing and real improvement in your life.

Be gentle with yourself. I'm willing to bet there are individuals here on PC who can suggest excellent resources to learn a bit more about bpd so that you can see it more objectively rather than critically. You are a sweet person, Hope. Hang in there and keep looking forward.