Hello Peter. From what I've read, it sounds like you're going through a rough time. I've also been through a lot of things that actually drove me to suicidal ideation twice now. I have so many mental health issues that I sometimes wonder how much more can there be? but life is about the little victories and learning to accept the bad takes a lot of effort and the fact that you reached out is something you should be very proud of. I takes a lot to reach out and get help. And I am proud if nothing else