Hi everyone! I haven't been on in awhile. Needed a break.

Wild Coyote --omg! I don't even know where to begin! It would be so scary to find out the person you've known so long is not who you thought they were. I'm so very sorry! Big hugs!

Christina-- I hope things calm down for you! Big hugs!

I'm down to 3 mgs of diazepam! Yay! It hasn't been THAT hard. I do get waves of anxiety but they pass. I'll be glad to be totally off benzos and I'll never, ever take them again!

My son at the beginning of the month stole from me to buy weed. That was stressful. Luckily he didn't get all psychotic. I'm still struggling with bathing. Since I had that panic attack in the bath tub I'm just really anxious about bathing. I can't shower due to my back. I have a shower chair but I'm too weak to go up and down with it and it kills my back going up and down.

I got ANOTHER new therapist. This one is fresh out of college. She's really young. We're going to do emdr on the bathing. I was in the middle of doing that with my last therapist. But she up and moved to California. This one is intimidated by me I feel. She's like, I looked through your file and wow, you've survived sooo much trauma, where to begin? I'm like I got to get this bathing thing under control so I can do pt again. I don't want to do it now dirty etc. I have a friend I talk to when I bathe. But she's not always around.

Not bathing enough causes me to isolate which isn't good. I did almost drown when I was 9. But I think it's something else. Idk, wish I didn't have this problem. It sucks.

So anyway, that's what is going on with me. Just life with ptsd and bipolar lol...