I want to say thank you to all who have responded. I feel like a pitiful fool. I practically did everything I could to get my wife to reconcile and go to couple's counseling. No deal and like I said before, she is 100% determined to get the divorce. I am having difficulty sleeping, due to the knots in my stomach, I feel like throwing up, and just ridiculously sad. I don't understand how I can be so sad, because I do take 20 Mg of Lexapro along with Wellbutrin to help ease my depression. I have had the internal struggle of a lifetime and nothing in my life seems to be clear any longer. I want to emphasize that I am not thinking of ending my life, hence why I am on the antidepressants.

I find myself sobbing for 20-30 minute periods and perhaps even longer. I try and hide so that my daughter doesn't see me sobbing, but she caught me last night and then she told mommy and nothing happened. She was asking mommy to help and mommy didn't budge. My daughter came to me and said don't cry daddy. I just told her that daddy is sad and that I am sorry.

I even went so pathetically low to text MIL to see if we forgiveness is possible and actually surprisingly, got a text back. She stated she wants nothing to do with my relationship.

So, I sit and float in this wretched, tempestuous ocean not knowing where the waves are going to take me. I am trying to find a therapist and hopefully can find one soon. These emotions are so intense and yet I wonder how my wife can sit on the couch and act like there is not a care in the world. She is ice cold and her reluctance to reconcile is killing me. I really, really don't want to do this to my daughter. I have myself praying often and asking for help. Needless to say, I am desperate. What a pitiful soul I must appear to my wife, or I guess I should start saying soon to be ex wife.