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Originally Posted by divine1966
It would not occur to me to tell them I love them unless I actually love them. So I think the issue is not as much what to do with other people's feeling but more what do you yourself feel for people and what are you capable of feeling. I’d not worry as much how to respond to other people.
Explaining what caring for other people is difficult. We can start with family?
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I'm nearly 30 and I've never felt it. I've had attraction and general interest, sure, but those don't last for long, and then my would've-been-lover accuses me of being cold, and they're all like, "Why don't you love me anymore?" as if I ever did. I've given up on loving anyone.
It's different with family, because "love you" is a common expression in that context; e.g. at the end of a phone conversation or when leaving a family function. I suppose a longterm romantic relationship would eventually get to that point, but the initial formation of the bond is highly emotional.
There are a few close family members who I care about. I'm not quite sure how deeply, but I would be genuinely upset if they died.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky
Someone may be aware of the fact that you don't show much emotion but that you still Love them very much even if you don't say that.
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I have the opposite problem, actually.
In the past, they've all assumed that I was merely emotionally distant and unable to express my feelings of love. The truth was that I didn't love them. I suppose their denial would make lying easier, but I'd prefer to be understood, rather than have to keep up a mask.
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
That sounds like a quality issue. Youre acting, you dont really want to be there. Thats not really your choice. It sounds like youre dissociated from your true self? This is/was my thing. Read Winnicott.
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I know Winnicott. And yeah, I've been on this arduous journey of self-discovery, and so far I've yet to find much of anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66
What exactly do you want and need from them?
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I don't know. Just companionship. I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular. Another thread got me thinking about the need for attachment, and it made me wonder what it would take for me to have a healthy relationship with someone else, or if that's even possible.