Quote:
Originally Posted by fern46
Hey WC, just curious... What happens to you when you dissociate? Where do you go? Do you have an alter personality? Do you ever recover memories of what you were doing while you were dissociated?
I experienced what I think was dissociation during my psychotic episode. I blacked out for a lot of it, but there were times when I felt like I was outside of myself watching myself. It reminded me of dreaming. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I'm still trying to understand it.
ETA, please don't answer me if it makes you uncomfortable at all. I'm just trying to better understand how dissociation works and you're one of the few people I know who has experienced it.
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Hi Fern!
I'm happy to try to answer your questions. My current pdoc and I are trying to figure this out more. I have had pdocs I have never told about "blackouts" and they'd had no idea. Some of this can be quite problematic/inconvenient.
I do not know of where I go.
I refer to it as a "blackout," mostly because I do not recall anything in a given period of time.
I have had episodes of being outside of my body; I have had those types of episodes since was a young child. I used to float up to the ceiling and see everyone/everything from there. I have had other types of episodes when I feel outside of my body.
Do I have an alter personality? Not that I know of. These notes I write are quite strange. I really do not know what to make of them. I have no recall.
For instance, I might call the pharmacy to see if my meds are ready for pick-up? And then.... the pharmacist tells me I had already been there this afternoon, had picked up my meds and had a long chat with the pharmacist. It was all news to me! I had no idea!
Once this year, I'd called my pdoc on a Monday, frantically apologizing for having missed my appt with her on Friday. Trouble is... I WAS at my appt with her on Friday! I still know nothing about it. In that case, I had lost the whole day.
I sometimes lose a few consecutive days. This is increasingly prevalent these days. I have been missing 4-5 days a week.
I might be here, writing away and nothing gives it away...to myself or to anyone.
I am usually up and around, sometimes going "downtown" to have some fun or running errands, etc. Everything must be on "autopilot!" I do fine; yet, have no recall.
I use a lot of notes, trying to provide some glue to hold the pieces together.
I can be involved in major life decisions and can have no recall.
If I am "mildly" dissociated, I might have a small amount of recall when fed info by my pdoc or by someone.
I often have a bag or two of items, maybe clothing, maybe electronics, etc, and I have absolutely no idea as to how that bag has gotten into my closet or my bedroom, etc. If I do not look in the bag, I have no idea what is in the bag.
Sometimes, the clothing is something I would never pick out.
There is a dissociation forum here. It's not very active. Some people show up every now and again. People like me!!!
Please let me know if i can clarify anything. You may also PM me anytime.
