Hello bossmann: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. (By the way, you mentioned having worn your mother's robe & heals around the house when you were 3 or perhaps younger. I just wanted to mention I began engaging in similar sorts of activities going back so far that I have no idea how or where it got started. Unlike you, though, I have had a life-long struggle with gender dysphoria. Still... I have that in my history as well.)

I'm not sure what to tell you about what you are experiencing. I'm not a mental health professional nor any kind of expert with regard to sexual orientation. However my lay-opinion would be you are not gay & should have no concerns with regard to the possibility you might be. It would be my personal opinion, though, that you really need to ditch the gay porn. Continuing to masturbate to gay prom is fanning the flames, so to speak, related to your concerns surrounding your sexual orientation. Plus any woman you are likely to get into a serious relationship with is unlikely to appreciate you masturbating to gay porn (or any other kind of porn either for that matter.) You can tell yourself you'll quit when your circumstances require it. But, at least from my perspective, this is likely to be easier said than done. Internet porn of any kind can be addictive. Here are links to 2 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on that topic:

What It's Like to Be a Porn Addict? An Interview with Noah Church (Part 1)

What It's Like for an Addict to Quit Using Porn? An Interview with Noah Church (Part 2)

You can also imagine you'll keep your porn-viewing a secret. But these types of secrets can corrode the most solid of relationships. There have been numerous threads posted, here on PC, written by wives who are deeply distressed because they've learned their husbands have been secretly watching, & perhaps masturbating over, internet porn. Plus, at the end of your post, you mentioned wanting to go into politics. I doubt I have to tell you how many professional careers have been destroyed when it has become public that a person (typically a man) has been found with porn on his employment-related computer. There simply is no up-side that I can see to what you are doing.

You mentioned having ADHD, BPD & probably HPD as well as anxiety. You didn't mention if you're seeing a therapist. If not, perhaps that is the best thing you could do at this point. Talking all of this through at-length & in-depth with a skilled therapist may help you to put it all into perspective & to put your sexual orientation concerns to rest once and for all. You mentioned possibly seeing a speech therapist. And that certainly sounds like a constructive thing to consider as well.

Anyway... I don't know if any of that is of any help really. Nothing in anything you wrote suggests to me you are gay, if that's any consolation. My personal non-professional opinion is that this may primarily be about anxiety & your concerns regarding your sexual orientation may primarily be symptoms of your anxiety. Is it possible that somewhere in your psychological make-up you have some latent gay "characteristics" (for lack of a better word?) Yes. Years ago people used to think of sexual orientation as one way or the other... straight or gay. But nowadays sexual orientation is seen to be more on a continuum with most of us falling somewhere in between the two ends of the spectrum. That doesn't mean, though, you need to be concerned you're possibly gay & don't know it. It simply means you're just like pretty-much everyone else. My best wishes to you...