I don't really know what you can do, I want a real hug. Why dos that man have to continue to torment me even when I'm not there. Is he supposed to be a pdoc? I just don't get it at all, I really don't. It was obviously personal, what other excuse could there be. Cruel, cruel, cruel. My Xanax is kicking in. My anger is starting to be replaced by even more hurt at what that evil man can actually do without even caring what effect it has on people.

I won't go there, I'm going to be good but it's hard to let him get away with the injustice in it all. It's a wound that will never go away, he keeps at it and at it. I just don't get how anybody with a heart could be like this and then call that place a support site. HA!!! Where is the support from him? He does just the opposite. I need a real hug. I need to be held and I know both of those are just not possible. They never will be. But at least I will be good and stay away from it. I don't even want to go look at it. 9 freaking letters, that's all that I ever asked for but that was just too d@#$ impossible for the all mighty Bobby. He knows nothing about the mentally ill and the effect that he has on them. I just want to crumble in a heap on the floor and cry. Geez, Sarah McLachlan's 'Surfacing' is going to wear out on my stereo. It's been playing non-stop for days now without even being turned off. Thank God for repeat buttons. Sarah is my depression companion. She expresses how I feel in her music.

Cat, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't let my constant mood swings affect your mental and emotional health. I couldn't bear that. Promise me you won't k? If it's possible, just pls don't leave me alone like this, unless it's too much for you. I need you but I don't want to be a negative effect on you either. Can we accomplish that? Xanax is working. I just wish you could hold me. That would make me feel better and safe again. Now, I feel almost numb.