It's hard on anniversaries not to take stock of your life. I feel like the butt of some decades long joke at my expense. It's hard, if not impossible, to see my way out of this mess. My therapist says that we've been in these dark woods for a while now, but he doesn't feel like we're lost. I feel like we're lost. There's no way out of this brambly mess. I've screwed up things that can't be unscrewed. I'm not alone because I do have him, but let's be honest, I'm alone. I told my friend of 20 years that I wanted to kill myself and I didn't hear from him again for over two weeks. I try to keep a casual open dialogue with my mother, but I don't feel I can talk to her about hard things like what really happened in my marriage or how I'm really feeling right now. I feel really alone other than the relationship I have with my therapist.