I can relate, @Nxious. I'm so sorry that you're going through ALL of this Please don't be hard on yourself. It's not your fault like you've said. Our parents have LOTS of influence on how we will turn out to be. You didn't choose to be depressed obviously. I'd suggest a therapist if you can afford it. Since you don't have a job currently perhaps that's not possible at the moment. I'd suggest to keep looking for a job... ANY job you can get, at the very least to get the ball rolling. I feel like starting out is the most difficult part but once you're past that things get easier and easier. Please keep looking as much as you possibly can. Don't worry too much about being good enough or not. Just try to do your best because that's ALWAYS good enough as that's ALL you can do as a human being. Hopefully working will restore a bit of your confidende and you will get a little bit of money. Once you feel like you have enough, you may want to consider a therapist. Perhaps you can ask for some help from your parents? It's likely NOT easy for you to ask something like that to them, but perhaps it's worth a try if you feel like they'll help you. I'm so sorry for all the abuse you've been through. You didn't deserve it. Nobody does. Just remember that things can still change and that it's NEVER too late. You don't have to be what you parents made you or what your parents WANT you to be. If you want to have a family and kids, that's great, but it must be for YOURSELF. If you don't, then just don't. You don't have to do this to please them. You're doing this for yourself. I hope you'll be able to practice some self-love. Perhaps you can keep a journal and write down ALL the positive things you're dong every day and ALL the positive qualities you have. Remember that everyone has qualities, just like everyone has flaws. One can't exist without the others. So please give yourself a pat on the back even simply for the fact that you're still standing and reachingn out for help here. Feel free to PM me anytime and I'll help you in ANY way I can. I'm sure others will gladly help you as well! Wish you the best of luck in BOTH your healing and your life! KEEP FIGHTING! Sendign many safe, warm hugs to you, Nxious! KEEP ROCKING!