@Wild Coyote, I wanted to share that I can relate to some of what you wrote, in terms of dissociation. I had a period when this was an issue for me. In my case, it happened in conjunction with maladaptive daydreaming, an issue that I have also managed to get past.

As part of my past dissociation, I did have some periods of amnesia (or blackouts) though not nearly to the degree that you describe you have. I have had longer term blackouts in the past, but they were during severe manias and manias with mixed features. Are both manic blackouts and dissociative blackouts (when not in a bipolar episode) similar or basically the same thing? I don't know. Do you? I had 10 psych hospitalizations years back, but swear I only remember five or six.

I wrote a blog article in the past about depersonalization and derealization. Much of it would be nothing you don't already know. But I will share a bit of it below. Only my personal experiences. Note: What I describe below happened during a period when I doubt I was manic or clearly depressed. I do believe I was wrestling with past trauma then.

"Although I’ve never received a diagnosis of depersonalization/derealization disorder, both my psychiatrist and psychologist have acknowledged I’ve experienced both on occasions to somewhat distressing levels. During times of great stress, particularly sudden moments of stress, I have had various experiences that included thinking I was observing myself from the outside, actually seeing my body walking briskly away (in a panic) and even by some means knew which way to go. I’ve had experiences when I thought I saw people doing or saying things (hallucinations of sorts) I later realized were impossible and also absurd. At other times, I thought I said things only to find out later, from the person I had been with, I hadn’t.

These occasions almost seemed like optical illusions of distortions, whose absurdity I realized soon after. Typically, my mind would suddenly go blank right afterwards as if I experienced some sort of amnesia. I’d drive home, and after an hour or so, suddenly realize what might have happened. But, sometimes, I had my doubts along the lines “Did that happen? Or not?” On more than one occasion, I actually called the person I had been with, and flat out asked about the “event”. One time, I was with a person and later realized I had sort of blacked out for minutes at a time. I remembered what I said (or what was said) right before the black out, and immediately after. What I said in between is still a mystery. That particular event was especially distressing."