Hugs Moxi,
I too seek that caretaking that I never got. Dad was away a lot and mom may as well have been, then the divorce and the abusive step parents... it stinks.
I tried working with female T’s and it was always a disaster as they just were not able to connect with me. I run hot/cold with men. The vast majority of the time I am fearful with them. Then there are the few times that I do go the other way, often initiating it so I feel like I have control even though I obviously don’t.
My T works with me to identify external supports like my priest (even though I have not been in his church for almost 20 years as I now live in another state), internal supports that I identify like my protective part and T brings spirituality into it because he knows I am OK with that. T uses those three to make the supportive circle for the healing to happen inside of. I am pretty sure T would object to the circle being all me as that would be no different than what I experienced as an infant only now I am an adult trying to do what I have never seen/experienced. I got flustered that T kept sitting outside of my circle he let me know it was out of respect because he had not been invited in... so now he sits as a part of the circle but never fully inside of it as that is my space, he can only support. So, that part is similar. I have no reference for nurture so I would flat out fail at identifying nurture to create or have a nurturing part. T is my reference for nurture and he is wonderful about it. He works very hard to be attuned to where I am and what I need (because I am not always able to), he provides appropriate soothing/nurturing both verbally and with touch, he makes himself available to me in many ways in session and I can always call and he puts up with my emails. He tries very hard to be the “good enough dad” for me.

I did have another T who I think may have been doing something more similar to what was in the video you linked too. I didn’t have the skill sets I needed and she labeled it resistance and defiance. So, she just let me sit there session after session in excruciating emotional pain, rejecting me and telling me that when I was ready to cooperate adult me would soothe the part throwing a fit. It ended up being very damaging to me and it a mess current T and I are having to untangle.