Missing T a lot tonight. I can hear my internalized version of him in my head reassuring me that moving back and forth towards then away from trauma work is normal. I can even hear him joking with me that it would be a bit of a relief if I did the push/pull thing with him instead of being so rational and in my head rather than feeling things.
H went off on me tonight because I am stressed about my sons behaviors. H says I am not putting enough of the blame for the stress on what I am going through with T. T is doing a really good job of pacing things though and not letting me get ahead of myself or too deep. But, it is clear that H is struggling with the idea of me doing trauma work with T. I just wish he had a more supportive way of showing it.