I am lucky that I am very good at making friends. Making them. That is it. I heard once the explanation of what a gentleman / gentlewoman was and that is me. Making other people feel comfortable. I am very good at that. But once we get past that... I seem to have a problem with

(1) keeping people interested and
(2) gaining those people's absolute loyalty.

Because of an incident a few years back I decided it would be a good idea to stop being friends with people at work. I reasoned that people at work were not "friends" and due to my unique position at work, where people feel like I am the key to something more powerful, I decided to only be as friendly as I had to and then, end it. I also decided to try to make sure people didn't know what I did in my person life. Even I had to lie. Because a lot of times it felt like they wanted to do things with me and I didn't want them.

My boss is an extreme extrovert and this policy I think disappoints him. He wants me to have fun with the workgroup and always be up for lunch and other things. Right now... I try to not be a downer when I go out but I try to avoid going out. People that worked for him I think they can't see any reason why I wouldn't be friendly with them once they leave. And it isn't personal, I Just know they are likely to want to use me once they leave so I cut them off the moment they are gone.

But I think all of this has backfired. I have pretty much zero friends lately at work. And almost everyone at work seems to use me anyway. I mean, it is just he nature of the beast. My policy now just makes it so I don't get anything back from them. I don't get to use them.

I feel like I need to do a heel toe and start being much more friendly. Then I would at least have a group of people who might feel an obligation to help me out if I asked. It is still hard not to have my head turned around my the fact that people are trying to suck up to me to suck up to the person behind me but, I figure, maybe I need to start embracing that..