Well, last night I found a picture of myself and a friend around age 6 that the friend posted on social media. I pulled up T’s picture from his web page and put them next to eachother. I was hoping that adult me could talk a younger if not infant me through it. I was totally shocked by my internal response to it. I think everyone here pretty much knows I adore T and he has been so kind, gentle and consistent. We have had one misunderstanding but it was really easy to work it through with him. Apparently not all of me in convinced he is so loving, gentle and harmless. Apparently I am still rather cynical about men and believe he would not be the same with me as a child. This sucks.