Wiggle sorry for the loss of your brother. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

I know it's easy to feel alone when you compare yourself to others -- we're all guilty of the comparison game, I know I do it -- but I understand why you feel alone. In conjunction with rediscovering your true sexual identity, you also decided to put yourself first and leave an emotionally abusive relationship and then your brother is tragically killed in a car accident. That is a LOT for a person to have to emotionally process when it all happens simultaneously. I mean, it's a lot.

The first thing to do, is take the pressure off of yourself to have to tie up all of these experiences neatly and soon. There is NO time limit on processing all 3 of those experiences. Try to take on one thing at a time. Prioritize which one is the most pressing for you to emotionally process. If it is your brother's death, prioritize that first and put #1 and #2 on the back burner.

Also, you need to know that just because your friends 'seem' happy, doesn't mean that they are. People LOVE to put on a good public act with their friends. We live in a society of one-up-man-ship or who is the happiest or has the most. It's all a facade at the end of the day. We're all fighting battles constantly, with ourselves, with each other.

When I lost my dad to cancer I was 21. I had dropped out of college, had no direction, was essentially friendless and doing rather self-destructive things to pass the time. But then, my dad's death spurred me into action to grab the reigns back to my life and I fought tooth and nail to get my life back. I went back to college, graduated with my little brother who was in my graduating class (ah, the humiliation), righted some social wrongs with people, found a place to live, a job and cleaned house as they say of things that weighed me down in my life. Meanwhile, I had prioritized grieving my dad's death so that while I did all of that other stuff, I didn't fall apart. The point of my story is to illustrate that you don't need to, or shouldn't try to, tackle everything at once. It's just not a good idea b/c it will overwhelm you to the point where you could have panic attacks, distorted thoughts about what's really going on, and misconstrue situations and conversations.

I am sorry that you feel very alone. But you're definitely not alone. If you feel comfortable here, on PC, post until you feel better about all 3 of these issues that you feel are weighing you down. If you have someone in real life you can turn to and trust, lean on them too. Grieving your brother's death is important to your well being overall.

And, congratulations on realizing your true sexual identity. Just go with it. The right people will be there for you and support you. Forget about the people who reject you for who you are. They're not worth it. And, I hope you can get away from the person you were in that emotionally abusive relationship with. Do not let them anywhere near you right now. You have much more important things to grapple with.

Take one day at a time. That's all any of us can do.