Hey guys, the past couple of days (following two weeks of straight dangerous depression) I’ve been experiencing a strange high with noticeable perceptual changes that I can only relate to be the same bizarre state of mind I felt last year while trying out antidepressants. I’m not looking for a diagnosis here just wondering if anybody here can relate to similar traits (not sure if it’s hypomania or something).

For background, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and have was forced to go on antidepressants last summer which threw me into mental state that was inexplainable to others around me.

When I first took my Celexa dose, I was told not to expect any changes until weeks from then, so I was shocked and felt like I was going insane when I was experiencing effects similar to illicit drugs a couple hours later. I had a very distinct visual change that I can’t properly describe but know that it’s not in my head. The best way I can describe it is that everything looks more vivid/vibrant (colors seem more saturated). Everything looks more more real/clear if that makes sense. I remember going outside with my dog, witnessing the brighter/weird looking world around me and just laughing. I couldn’t stop bursting out laughing at everything, especially my dog. And I was filled to the brim with energy, bouncing around the house.

I have other perceptual changes but the visual changes in this state is most easiest to describe without sounding like I’m going insane (my attention, hearing, how I focus on and process information or senses is distinct from normal).

I have this weird sense of insanity, on the level that nobody can understand what I’m subjectively experiencing and probably think I’m going insane, but also on a second level I can’t quite understand myself (as if I’m unlocking some great secrets of my mind or something alarming, suicidal thoughts quickly chase after the insanity-thoughts). I begin to relate many strings of thoughts and ideas together, and get that tingly sensation down my head and spine (warm sensation in chest) that you get I suppose when just being excited or stimulated (solving a problem).

This state of perception reminds me of a mix of experiences I’ve only had on drugs, although more extreme on the drugs. The visual changes feel like some weird mix of lsd comeup (glowing/vibrant effect) and the vividness/more realistic trait is how I’ve felt when trying cannabis. And another mix of the headspace that’s difficult to explain.

-Maybe I’m just messed up from trying drugs

Im sorry if this was worded confusingly (a mix of present/past tense) trying to describe the similar experiences while also padding in background info. It’s because once experiencing this effect of antidepressants I became more aware of perceptual changes.

A month later of pushing through with celexa (my psychiatrist/family said I’d feel better once the drugs had time to settle down) I was locked in psychiatric hospital for a week. I tried Prozac once I broke out, but thought I would inevitably die if I continued accepting the mental state antidepressants offered me, so I stopped it. I haven’t experienced anything as extreme as what I felt trying Celexa/Prozac until a couple days ago (peaking yesterday) which scared me. It felt more like Prozac than celexa because of the copious amount of energy I gained.

I just went through a 2-week dangerous period of straight depression (worst since 6 months ago). My pattern of productivity looks something like having periods of huge bursts of nonstop energy/productivity/creativity followed by periods sinking into depression/worthlessness. This is how I’ve been most of my life, which I don’t think is bad until I get to those low points. This past year was my first year of college, with the summer before being when I tried antidepressants, so maybe that stress can account for the extremity of my symptoms. I’m wondering if the experience I had on antidepressants might have been a trigger to mania, and if that’s what I’m experiencing now. Thanks for anybody that read this far, I hope the jumble of text isn’t too confusing.

TL/DR: Following a period of depression I’ve broke into a mental state which feels like I’m high on illicit and prescription drugs (antidepressants). I have distinct perceptual changes (visual: everything looks more vivid/real, colors are vibrant/saturated). Overall feeling more in tune with my senses. I’m wondering if my past antidepressant experiences can relate to mania, since I just recently heard that antidepressants can induce mania in some individuals. That might explain the changes I’m feeling now.