She actually wants to pay me back, have told her she doesn't need to pay me back but she ignores me when I say forget about it, just keep it as she barely makes enough for the bills and rent at the end of the month, let alone food. She can't even afford to eat out at a resturaunt, so then I just tell her take her time and pay me whenever you are able to. The 1 on 1 time is mostly for hiking, I don't really like sitting in a coffee shop talking...it feels to awkward like I am trapped in a tiny room (same with phone calls, but I like hearing her voice), I prefer to be outside walking around talking or hiking. We don't really do anything else, we both got no idea what else to do together and there will be no other time hanging out with her friends and family as I have never met them and she will never let me meet them.

She doesn't even invite me to her home because it's messy, but her other friends are more then welcome or she goes to their place. Then again she doesn't hang around her friends that often anyway and none of them call her except me, which she seemed in the past to really like. I don't watch Judge Judy, not into those things. I follow Jay Shetty, though.

I don't really corner her for dates though. I mostly ask if she wants a coffee soon or to go on a hike soon and she says yes or no because she's busy, then I wait a month or 2 or longer and try again. The August hike was her idea but asked for it back in December but I told her maybe August when it's warmer, the July 1 was mine because I saw this tree and thought of her and wanted to show her and she said she will be in touch in a few weeks when her family is done visiting but instead I cancelled it a week after asking and told her it was just a dumb tree I was wanting to show her and I am going through personal issues and will message her in a few months, then she said it was not a silly idea and ok. Basically back in May we were gonna do that August hike but the day of I felt like **** and had a huge headache and didn't really wanna hang out so told her another time we can go, she said no problem. Then she said she was having car problems and maybe on the weekend we could grab a coffee if it's working but it wasn't so we never did. Then June I said if your car is still not really working how about a coffee at the place we used to go a few summers ago (that awesome summer we had together), we went for food and had a picnic instead and walked around town for a few hours until she started work. Then we were going to get together in August for that hike, but I saw a tree on a hike we have been on a few times in Jan and March of this year, wanted to show her. A week later cancelled it and told her I am disapearing for a few months.