She's no longer providing a good distraction from this anger you describe, so maybe calling her to announce you are exiting from a connection to her seems like a useful thing for you to do. If that allows you to channel your mental energies in a different direction, the call may be constructive.

But you are saying that ending your connection to her ends all hope that you can have a fulfilling relationship with a woman. You see how much you had riding on your connection to her. You set up this dichotomy: Have a real friendship with her and a life that is worth living . . . OR . . . accept that the friendship is fizzling out and conclude that you have nothing ahead of you, except a loveless existence. That will be a self-fulfilling prophesy, if you cling to that belief.

You were depressed and suicidal when she came into your life as a wonderful source of warmth, encouragement and support. You've decided that, if the connection to her ends, you will return to that hopeless state . . . because "no other woman" . . . will give you a chance. How much of a chance do you give anyone? As you say, you stay home playing video games. Re-read your own posts above. They contain a great deal of insight.