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Old Jul 22, 2019, 08:49 AM
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Rive1976 Rive1976 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,740
Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats View Post
Honestly, most of what I think I know turns out to be wrong. Trying to "figure it out" leads to assumptions/filling in blanks.

My Parts/alters/whatever you want to call them communicate in the same way I do: they write, they take over & talk out loud, they act out. I do have internal dialogue, but I barely trust it to be accurate, because my own mind filters it.

If the question is "do I hear internal dialogue the same way I hear thoughts" the answer is "sort of." It's inside my head, I don't confuse it with audible voices. But, it is pretty inaccurate if I try at all to convey any of it to anyone outside. If I try to share it -- by the time it's out of my mouth, I've already filtered it through me, so it is not totally accurate.

I did provide my therapist with an example of internal conflict vs. conflict between Parts/alts by providing an example of two different shopping trips I went on.

Trip 1 -- internal conflict...
I found something I really liked. I thought "Ooh I really want this. Oh but we're trying to buy a house, so I shouldn't be spending money. But I really like it, and I won't find it again...maybe I should buy i t. Ohh but no saving is more important."

Trip 2 -- conflict between Parts/alts...
I'm in the bread aisle. I start to dissociate: can't feel my body, completely flat affect, can't feel much of anything really... I'm picking up a bread and hear in my head (yes, similarly to thought) "This one looks so good!" -- wham, panic, hits me -- angry 'thought' "NO that has way too many carbs" -- the bread is put back on the shelf -- start to walk away -- overwhelmed again, "no no I want it" -- back to the bread, picking it up again -- wham, panic, "NO stop it no bread NO BREAD" -- back on the shelf it goes, walking away again -- "but if we only have one slice, it's not so bad...please I want it please..." I'm back in front of the g*d*mned bread again, picking it up again -- PANIC -- "No no no no no PUT IT BACK" -- bread is back on the shelf again...

This will literally go on for an hour. Frequently, the dialogue becomes external, so the words come out of "my" mouth as the different parts hijack. Though they, thankfully, typically keep it quiet.

Now, I am there - I have co-consciousness - I will attempt to smooth it over - trying to propose compromises. Again, the dialogue can be in my head but typically slips out of my mouth, to be honest. As does theirs. I always wonder how nuts I must look to other people.... I do not black out and forget. (Typically. I do have a distinct memory of putting a certain shirt back on the shelf only to find it in my closet a week later, so...that happened.) But, anyways, I have a high level of co-consciousness typically meaning that I don't black out and just wake up places.

So, I hope that's somewhat helpful.
Thank you. I never black out either. I just kind of take the backseat. I can feel myself becoming different. Like for example my Psychologist was talking about using hypnosis. I started to feel like a totally different person. I felt this arrogant, skeptical persona come over me (yes I am generally skeptical but this was different) His name is Theodore. I am able to hide it when it happens though. No one can tell I'm switching. Im usually like what the heck just happened though. The thing is though my alters dont speak though. They just feel and think different when they are out. I dont have much internal dialogue like you are explaining sometimes I will have thoughts (I call them that because they are not voices but thoughts like thinking) that say things like my mommy is coming accompanied by she doesn't care about you. This happens when the owner of the building comes in because she is kind of like a mother to the whole group home. Whenever we have any type of problem we bring it to her. I dont even call my own mom mommy and I am 43 years old. So I know its coming from someone else. Or I will think things like come sit beside me reffering to myself. Sometimes like one day I was thinking about a crown that had broken on my tooth from eating a sugar daddy. Accompanied by I can't think about that I am cooking. When I was not cooking. Sometimes its very random like after dinner clouds out of the blue. Sometimes my thoughts or so loud they startle me. Sometimes I can stop them mid sentence.

Last edited by Rive1976; Jul 22, 2019 at 09:32 AM.
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