My pdoc asked me if I thought it would be a good idea to go into the hospital for a few days in order to just behaviorally break the cycle of my cutting. The reason for this is because I literally feel as though I absolutely cannot stop cutting unless the means to cut are not present.

Right now I cannot go into the hospital because I have 7 days left to my internship and I need to finish up all of them in order to graduate. I also have four weeks of school left and I have to complete two more projects within that time.

Pdoc said that right after school ends (April 17th) we will re-evaluate the situation in order to determine if the cutting has increased, decreased, or remained the same. At this point I will decide if I think hospitalization would be beneficial.

I'm going to talk to my T about this when I see him on Saturday. He has been on vacation, so I only mentioned it to him briefly on the phone.

I really have no idea what to do. There is part of me that does want to go in and part of me that doesn't. I don't know. The cutting has become bigger than me. Bigger than all the consequences. Bigger than everything.