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Originally Posted by Icedgem
That's a good idea thank you.
She's on a waiting list for a therapist for her anxiety but the next appointment isnt for 8 months
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I would not wait 8 months. I would find a school counselor for your daughter to see immediately, or at the very least, take her to a walk-in counseling clinic or sliding fee scale clinic. Do not wait 8 months. By then, it will be too late. She needs to have a safe place to go to right now, to process all of this, to help her develop age-relevant coping skills for her anxiety, which is brought on by her parents' divorce. Put your daughter's well being first.
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Originally Posted by Icedgem
I've tried zevvy.
His answer is he now has no money to take her anywhere as I'm greedy and wanted it all from him.
To be honest, speaking with him only seems to make matters worse
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You need to use a mediator then, to speak to your ex-husband. Your daughter's psychological well-being is being affected by her parents' arguing with each other and that is not good.
Find a different method to communicate with your husband. Use email only. Don't use the phone.
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets
I think there is a legal term for this, I think its called parental alienation. If it continues I would explore what your legal options are. At the same time, do you want her to see him that much if this is what you know he is telling her now? What would stop him from letting loose and telling her all sorts of things when he is alone with her?
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You are correct, sarah. Icedgem's husband is employing the 'parental alienation syndrome.'
Parental Alienation Syndrome: What Is It, and Who Does It? | Psychology Today
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Parent alienation syndrome
Parental alienation syndrome, a term coined in the id 1980's by child psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner, occurs when one parent attempts to turn the couple's children against the other parent. A parent who is angry at the spouse or ex-spouse accomplishes this estrangement by painting a negative picture of the other parent via deprecating comments, blame and false accusations shared with the children. They may also hoard the kids, doing all they can to thwart the other parent's parenting time.
In my clinical practice, the mother most often has been the alienating parent, turning the children against their Dad. At the same time, I also have had multiple families in which Dad is the toxic parent, poisoning the children against their mother. In general, the alienating parent is the least emotionally healthy, and often the more wealthy (to be able to afford legal challenges).
The sad reality is that parents who poison their children's natural affection for the other parent are doing serious, even abusive, damage. PT blogger Edward Kruk, PhD updates the research on this important point:
"A survey taken at the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts’ annual (2014) conference reported 98% agreement “in support of the basic tenet of parental alienation: children can be manipulated by one parent to reject the other parent who does not deserve to be rejected.”
For the child, the biopsychosocial-spiritual effects of parental alienation are devastating. For both the alienated parent and child, the removal and denial of contact in the absence of neglect or abuse constitute cruel and unusual treatment. ... . As a form of child maltreatment, parental alienation is a serious child protection matter as it undermines a basic principle of social justice for children: the right to know and be cared for by both of one's parents.
An alienating parent usually shows narcissistic and also borderline tendencies.
Narcissism is selfishness on steroids. Narcissistic individuals tend to be self-absorbed. Most centrally, they show deficits in ability to listen to others' differing perspectives. Instead they hyper-focus on what they themselves want, think, feel and believe without taking into consideration others' desires and ideas.
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