I just wrote a long post about an email from former T and then there was an error. Let me try to recreate it...
I got an email today from former T. A lovely, nice, caring email. It made me feel good. And listened to. And cared about. And held. It was helpful in practical ways: like if I SH again because of the battery thing and need to go to the hospital, to not mention the battery thing and how to not get a psych eval and just get stitched up and come home. It was helpful in ways like to connect to current T. She reinforced that. Like current T could see a layer of terror in me that the anger is supposedly hiding behind, and I haven't told current T a lot of stuff but yet she saw it in me. She reinforced that it was a good thing and to call her and reach out to her as needed. It was much more focused on my work now with current T than it was my relationship with her, which is how it should be I guess. But she mentioned our work and how I can build on it with my current T. The email made me feel good. It made me feel heard. It made me feel human. It made me feel cared for. I wish I could wrap up in her words like a blanket. I wish I could let her words soak into my skin into my soul like I used to be able to. There's a distance now, as there should be, but that makes it hard, also. 10 years may be a long time to see a T but it wasn't long enough. I wish I could have seen former T for another 10 years. But she talked about building on the work that she and I had done. I love former T. She was amazing. I'm so blessed that she will still write me. It was the first time she wrote me since April so it had been a while. I'm going to try to not email her until Sept 5 which is the anniversary of the last time we spoke--our last session. But I didn't tell her that in case I can't hold myself to it. I feel worn out now. I feel vulnerable yet listened to. I feel wilted though, like I need to just lay down and weep. HUGS Kit