Hello Ser: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. Since this is your first post... welcome to Psych Central.

As I read your post, it sounds like your main concern is you cannot stop thinking about the incident you described & you blame yourself for what occurred. I think the main thing to keep in mind, with regard to this, would be that trying to block or force yourself to stop thinking about this incident is only likely to make the thoughts keep coming back. What is necessary is to learn to allow these thoughts to arise & fade at their own pace without becoming stressed out over them.

There are practices you can learn to help you to let go of your troubling thoughts. It would be too complicated for me to try to describe those to you here. I know you wrote your English is not that good. So I don't know if it will be possible for you to read & understand articles on the subject. (Hopefully you will.) Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that talk about how to handle the types of thoughts you're struggling with. Most of these articles are going to basically suggest similar approaches. But each comes at it from a little different perspective:

Coping with Obsessive Thoughts

Eight Step Method for Managing Intense Emotion

7 Steps to Conquer a Painful Emotion

How You Can Overcome Intrusive Thoughts | Dialectical Behavior Therapy Understood

9 Ways to Let Go of Stuck Thoughts

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...nful-emotions/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/culti...nful-emotions/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.