I had another horrible dream last night. This time I was laying in bed with RS and he was holding me when out of the blue he said we need to talk. He said horrible things to me, like he doesn’t feel like comforting me anymore and he couldn’t believe anyone could like me in the first place. I was so shocked. Then I began to get angry. I started cursing at him and screaming at him to get out. He just laughed at me. Then his sister (he doesn’t actually have a sister) said he gets like that when he has seizures. So now I’m panicking and calling 911 because I think he’s having a seizure. They come and they have to shock his heart because at this point he’s not breathing. He wakes up and I’m so relieved that I just hug him and cry. Then I woke up. It was the middle of the night. So I went to the bathroom and came back and gave him a kiss but he didn’t wake up so I had to go to sleep again with this awful dream in my head.


I had more bad dreams; one where my car got stolen but the police wouldn’t let me call someone to come get me because they said I was hysterical (I wasn’t, just pissed). This was a very real fear I had in March of 2018. I was very paranoid that police were following me and would pull me over and think I was on drugs because of my erratic behavior. I was convinced I would go to jail or be committed to the hospital. So that dream was quite unpleasant as well. Then I had another one where I was stuck in high school again and I had to do testing for special services and I was so MAD I just kept getting irritable with the tester. This actually happened to me when I was 15.


All in all a fitful night and as a result a rough day. Made no easier by the fact that it was hot af again even though they said it was supposed to be cooler and the power went out at my job. Then the fire alarm went off and it wasn’t a drill so we had to stand outside in the hot sun waiting for the fire company for 20 minutes, then stand around outside waiting for the buses to organize themselves (this happened at the end of the day) so all in all standing in the hot sun for a good 35 minutes. And I wear pants to work! Ugh.


I’m going to go to the gym to work out some of this energy. I have to be on my game tomorrow for my interview.