Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie
Do you have attachment issues? Are you so attached to your therapist you see him/her as the caring parent even if they are not trying to play that role?
When I try to visualize all my resources the child part and teenage parts throws a tantrum because she does not want them she wants a real person.
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Yes, I absolutely have attachment issues. My pattern of attachment to other human beings is very screwed up.
I understand the younger parts want a real life person to play that role, and want the T to be the one to play it. Some of our youngers are the same.
The fact remains that T is not the person to fill that role. The role of a T is limited to a set number of hours each week (most often just one!) and contact outside of that hour is limited at best. Unlike a good-enough parent during the developmental years who can "be there" for the child when needed the T is most likely NOT going to be available when those younger parts are activated and needing a responsible older other to calm them. This leads to massive problems!! For those younger parts who for healing truly need the guidance of a responsible and caring other, this leads to an endless roller coaster ride of abandonment triggers, miscommunication, a sense of rejection, interspersed with moments of true connection and healing. A T
can never be enough.
Zoiecat summed it up well when she said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoiecat
While your T can validate you and your parts, he cannot be a parent. As uncomfortable and silly as it seems now, your parts are within you. You are with them 24/7. You are the only one that can understand their needs and feelings. As with any T whether for multiples or singletons, it is your Ts job to teach you the skills to improve your wellbeing.
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I know how much the younger parts needed a parent figure to care for them. Trust me, I know. But the child has grown and the window of opportunity for the child to get what the child needed
when the child needed it has gone. Of course they are going to tantrum about that. Who wouldn't. It was a
critical developmental need.
That bird has long since flown the coop.
But do you know who hasn't?
You. You are the one person in the entire world who can "be there" in a meaningful sense to care for, nurture and console your child parts 100%, every day, in every instance,
whenever they need you. Every single time.