I just saw my oncologist today, thinking I was going to discuss treatment options, and got hit with some news I wasn’t expecting to hear. Nobody told me that I still had cancer, I thought it was all removed in my hysterectomy but apparently there was cancer on my bowel that they left. NOBODY told me this. I’ve been walking around for 3 weeks not knowing I still had cancer. And he told me that they don’t know if they will be performing surgery to get rid of it, or when I’d even be getting treatment. And apparently my chances are so slim that their aim is to prolong my life rather than save it. I was expecting none of this and I cried so much I was literally seeing stars and nearly passed out while sitting with the nurses.
I don’t even know what to do right now, having to tell my mother and grandparents they think I’m most likely going to die was such a hard thing to do. I would give anything to be okay. I was literally signing paperwork for immunotherapy 20 minutes before my surgery, and now I’m being told that isn’t even on the table and my oncologist is confused why they suggested that.
I’m only 31, I’ve never had a relationship, never learned how to drive a car, I’ve never got to achieve what I was striving for. And now I’ll likely never get to do any of it.