I think the majority of people have a strong urge to connect. Many like a little own time, just not too much, because then they start feeling disconnected. And this happens even in people who don't have autophobia but can be happy alone.

The disconnect hurts, no matter what causes it. It can be distance. You are far away from people you feel connected to, but you can't communicate with them. Or you can be with people, but you feel something is missing, like they are bonding and you fail to feel the bond, either because they exclude you (maybe not even on purpose), or they try to include you but you fail to bond for some reason, maybe it is your nature or the situation and mood is wrong for you. It might happen if the group is happy and you are sad. Then you lose the connection because you're not on the same wavelength.

It took me ages to understand loneliness, it's just this last year I'm getting a real idea of what it is. Because I am used to the state of disconnect. It is my natural, so of course it doesn't cause me pain. I can connect, but it takes a long time before I establish a bond. Still, I like company but I need time not being connected, being alone.

The thing that finally cued me into what loneliness was was its cousin missing. I lost a few friends, they died actually, and them never ever coming back caused me not just to mourn but to miss. I missed them dearly in my life.

Loneliness is usually not over one particular person. Missing is. But I managed to transfer one emotion into the other. I'm still more into being alone because I wish to meet certain people than I am alone in general. But it is still something.