So some stuff has gone down today that I have found upsetting, and someone just emailed me, at 11pm "Echos, would you like to talk?" And it brought tears to my eyes, but I'm also annoyed with this person, and also it's 11pm, so... no I don't.

Then I read last week's IST (which I wrote up and never posted on PC) and I remembered how much you understood the importance of the memory I shared with you, and I remembered what you said about my ex's feelings towards me. And I felt it all again, all the love, loss, pain, and love for you, the only person who really knows what that all meant to me. Now my ex is dead, you are the only person who I could ever share those memories with. Why am I here in this situation? Why am I doing the job I am doing? Why am I a mother? A wife? Why do I live in this town? Why do I do the things I do? What is the meaning of any of this? Is this who I am supposed to be? I know you can't answer these questions. Maybe they don't have answers.