I posted before. I’m having trouble with cutting again after not doing it for a while. Now it’s started again. My boyfriend and i got into a fight and he woke me up at 4am and was screaming at me and saying horrible things to me. Very abusive. Then he came back in and dumped me. Then my anxiety went to a level 15 out of 10. I took a klonopin to get back to sleep. So I was ok Friday although stressed. Then Saturday I went to my friends party and I had a few drinks and I couldn’t get rid of my anxiety. Others were there and my friend was there but the anxiety remained. All I could think was how good it would feel to cut myself. So I left and got home and took my razor I shave my legs with apart to get a razor and cut my hip on like 8 small slices. I felt better. I bandaged it. It wasn’t that deep and underware covered it. Then Monday I felt horrible when I woke up with horrible anxiety. I went to a dr appointment and after still felt awful. I had taken a klonopin but it did nothing. So I took 3 shots of vodka. I felt a bit more calm. My friend told me to come to her salon because i Said I felt depressed. She gave me a pedicure and I felt a bit happier. Then later my ex was texting me and the anxiety came back. I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I thought was my razor. I cut myself again now deeper and lower. Now my I underwear don’t cover it all because there are a lot of cuts. My ex said he wanted to come over and talk. I took 3 more shots of vodka. He talked to me and argued. I told him he made me feel out of control. I didn’t want to act like I was seeking attention but I told him I cut myself. He said no more cutting. He knows I did it before. He said he wants to get back together. He said he loves me. After all that abusive language, which has happened before, I want sure but I said ok. I just want to not cut. When my anxiety is out of control What do I do to calm down? I called and asked if I can get in to my therapist if there is a cancellation. I know the guy is no good for me. That’s a separate issue. I just feel cutting is all that calms me when my anxiety is out of control and my klonopin won’t help.