I have been having what I guess is a mixed state for a few months now. Decent energy, lack of sleep, but suicidal thoughts pretty much constantly.

Anyway Doc told me to try Rexulti. Anyone tried it? I tried its close cousin Abilify years ago and hated it. Should I expect the same from this? I read it is a very similar molecule and I am just wondering if I should even take it. Abilify made me feel absolutely insane - I felt super jacked up and just weird.

On a side note, part of me wonders whether I am mentally ill at all or if I am just the product of a crappy environment. I have no job, am holed up inside all day, am alone, have no SO, and have very little contact with human beings. I constantly worry about growing old alone, having no direction, no money, nothing at all to live for. Medication cannot fix that.

I feel like even sane people would feel suicidal in such conditions. Perfectly sane people stuck in prison kill themselves because of the stress of 23 hours a day of seclusion. What if this mental illness diagnosis is all a lie and I am just lazy?