Hi tecomsin

I have already used up too much time for this topic for today, but one "finding" I would like to get confirmed by you.

The liar makes you lie "for you two". Something like: "can we say this and that to that person, because it would [be better for us][make less trouble][not waste so much time]" whatever.
That way, you learn to lie "for him/her" and for "your relation ship" towards others and it gives you the feeling of being "especially trusted" because you "lie together".

This way, one thinks to be privileged that the pathological liar would only lie to other people and that was s/he forms a "full trust relation" with you.

The victim lies only for and with the liar and assumes that the liar does this as well, while that way, the liar has the victim under full control and when ever the victim tells something about lies, the liar can play the ball back: "you lie as well, so what?" Then the victim wants to "explain" that s/he lies "just to do good" what the liar takes as accusation that s/he would be bad and fights the victim down to the ground, so the "topic of lying" is hardly ever touched again and the victim just continues to lie when ever the liar wants him/her to.

I found this pattern from my retrospective as extremely common in my relation ships with narcissists. And I wanted to know whether you experienced this as well, as this could be a pattern people could notice "in time": if your partner asks you to (or makes you otherwise) lie towards your relatives and friends about whatever, most likely the relation, it can be a strong sign of narcissistic behavior in your partner, probably pathological lying.

I think pathological lying is most severe and damaging behavior towards partners and especially children, maybe worse than or at least as bad as physical violence. Violence, mental and physical, can be identified by the child, as something hurting and connected with some person and situation, but compulsive lying destroys the reality-perception, the child cannot believe itself anymore, nothing is like it perceives it, the liar is always super-imposing her lies as the real truth on the reality perception of the children - until it is gone and the child becomes a notorious liar as well, not able to tell what is real and what is fantasy...
And concerning the partner, you explained it well: until the partner has to be hospitalized because s/he cannot believe her/his own reality-perception. Maybe that is waiting for the actual narcissistic supply of my wife, but that is not my problem.

OK, enough about this toxic thoughts for Today, I will answer tomorrow in case that there will be some reply! Time to clean my brain from this...
Best wishes
David