I can relate to your struggles, @Dysphoria! It may be BOTH things. You can have MI and still turn out the way you do because of your environment. I agree with ALL the other wise, wonderful posters about seeing a Therapist if you're not seeing one already! That may REALLY help you. Please hang in there. What matters is that you're getting the treatment you need and deserve. Keep us updated on your situation if you want and let us know how your Meds work out! I hope things will work out well for you! Wishing you the BEST and nothing but the BEST of Luck. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'll be here for you when you need Advice and Support. I hope someone is supporting you in real life as well! In any case, we're here for you and I'm sure many others will be glad to help you as well! Please hang in there and please NEVER give up hope! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Dysphoria, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for who you TRULY are! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!