On saturday i wanted to start vocalizing..after a while i haven`t been singing at all. Then - every time i opned my mouth i started crying.

It reminds me. Back then. Just a month ago.
a year ago? a few days?

month.

I would sing cry and hate studies, hoping for escaoe in spirituality, dreams, and thoughts or "attracting" things i was not ready for and going to the beatch all the time even at night to see the stormy see.

nice hobbies aren`t they? or i wanted to say habbits. or going to that CWG forum to complain about tha fact that i CAN`T MANNAGE MY ROUTINE... never get anything done on time and never get enough sleep....feeling WORTHLESS........

I was standing there in the backyard at night. and instead of voice there were just more sobs and tears...

Remember at the beatch teh great waves SPLASHES of wated and me talking to God. Asking can i be a singer songwriter instead of a graphic designer. if i can run away. if something can happen if i should take the endless struggel...

or asking God how can i have a better voice a better mix and being REALLY frustrated about not having the TIME vocalize every day

and it almost collapesed on me...wanted to leave studies almost...but of course did not

Singing always had to do with dramatic points in my life

now music talking place first and then my singing voice to serve it

now i know my purpose better and do not put that insane pressure on myself not too ambitious about either studies or developing the voice.

I have learned to be happy with what i have,,,be it my voice right now and that i also acn get coaching i fi want to try,...

But that crayziness ...wasn`t it somewaht dramatic.................