I just wish you finally find help and peace! Having a diagnosis can help so much in that, when you stop seeing your issues as "mistakes" and you recognize them as symptoms of disease which can be worked on. From what you've written here for a long time, it seems very probable you do indeed have BPD symptoms in combination with trauma. Instead of wasting your energy fighting the diagnosis, you could find relief in rwasearching treatment options and possibly reading books about it. That's what helped me with my diagnosis. For me, getting a diagnosis was a tremendous relief and hope. Before I got that, I saw myself as "bad and weird". Having a recognised diagnosis gives you an opportunity for self compassion!
Please Hope, accept the professional help that you're lucky to have.