I cried for 30 mins as soon as we started after hello.

He tried though- but he didn't need to say anything just be there.

"talk to me"

I couldn't.

I did my usual thing at the end though. " Maybe I won't come back after you return." after telling him that I was reading the book understanding the borderline mother which broke them down into 4 categories and had a quote from a shrink I liked. but he suggested 4 years treatment 3-4 times a week as a minimum, but most recovery took 6-10 years. and that I didn't want to be in therapy for that long. That i had nothing to live for.