Things in my life aren't so bad comparatively, especially if you look at my life over all of 2018, but now I am having more and more depressive episodes, the type
Such a strong intense feeling too. It passes eventually, that's what being mixed does, but I've been very moody the last week and short-tempered. Maybe some of it was PMS as I started my period today (some BAD PMS at that), who knows?

H is constantly stressed and wanting to come home to me not stressed. This week has been bad for that. We came home to no internet on Sunday (long weekend visiting relatives near Dallas), and it only got fixed late Wednesday (around 6 PM), and I was on the cell phone screaming at the tech support (mostly in India, not that I have a problem with people making a living, but AT&T is hiring more and more people who don't even speak good English and repeat themselves a zillion times and cannot solve your issue at all).

As for iron stuff, the last numbers are looking good (taken mid-July). We won't really know until the doc tests the first week of Sept. That is stressful too because even with insurance, we owe $767 on the iron infusions (insurance pays 80%, that's our 20%). But if you can't or don't absorb iron well, if you don't treat iron anemia, you risk heart damage and all sorts of other problems. Healthcare here sucks.

I did see the pdoc and did mention these emotional issues. He upped my dose of Trazodone to 100 mg and reiterated the importance of being consistent on taking the entire 400 mg dosage of Seroquel, which I admitted to him I am not. I'm trying to be good about it, but what is he doing, trying to put me in a waking sleep? I can do either all the Seroquel or all the Trazodone, but doing both is too much. Really, I know I need to do what he says, my body may even adjust.

In addition, we are starting to look into moving closer to H's work. That is very overwhelming. In September, we will have lived in this house 14 years. You can accumulate a lot of clutter in that time, so much so the thought of moving seems beyonding overwhelming.

Not sure why I feel everything crashing down. Maybe it's H being so tired. He's got job stress and then the stress of a long, long commute. He has finished teaching his summer courses, but he volunteered to do a STEM camp with a group of high schoolers this week. It is extra money (probably going to pay off iron infusions), but daily 3 hour commutes for him.

I keep feeling so down, and it's small things that will just get me, and then it's hours before I cheer up again...Things with the T are not going well as she keeps cancelling appointments for this and that (AC out, has to help son move to college, oops, that day was a dental appt.). I don't really want to find a new T because what's the point if I move and have to start again?