Life is always stressful, that I know. Why I am more depressed when H has a stable, more financially viable job for his credentials (just not close to our house) baffles me. 2018 was practically rock bottom as you can get - ED relapse, talk of divorce, little marital intimacy, CPS investigation, police ride to the psych ER, pdoc of 10 years retiring, bad insurance and job for H, fixing to lose the house, you name it, recovery from super painful perforated ulcer surgery, I am sure there is more, you get the picture. And I think looking at old bloodwork, iron anemia starting in August 2018 and just getting worse.

I try to focus on the quote in my signature, other positive things like being here for my daughter and husband. I know I have other people who love me. It is hard in that I frequently display all my emotions as they happen whereas H can hold back the negative though eventually, 3, 4, 6 months he reaches a giant breaking point. We need a happy medium.