Honestly if you didn’t have some of these fears I would be surprised because of what happened.

Do you think you rely to heavily on RS ? As far as your Bipolar aspect? I know it’s hard to be able to take a look at our own behavior and actions to get a true picture.

I think for a healthy relationship to work between 2 people there is mutual respect of course but there also needs to be a balance between normal , average , typical, too much , over the top Support.

“ sometimes” we unknowingly lean harder on the other person on a more daily basis , unlike when we are really struggling and truly need that person front and center.

Back when initially I was a mess and first diagnosed I think now looking back I put to much of my needing happiness or just making it through the day onto my husband. He wasn’t my T... he will never really “ get it” what I go through with my Bipolar.

He felt helpless, he was reading about Bipolar and how to support and help me , but in reality he was causing himself enormous amounts of stress.

Now I’m NOT saying your being to dependent on RS. But I just wanted to throw it out there.

RS can’t make memories of your husbands passing and the reason why .... go away.

He can show you in words and actions that he loves you and your son and has a life planned for you to go on together.

Hang in there and ask your T for ways to self soothe and make sure that you and RS have a solid balanced relationship.

I do think once you have found a teaching position for the year will definitely drop your stress level down tremendously.