Hi Tecomsin
Well, I am a fast writer, write a lot of different things - and try to be precise, but I perfectly understand what you wanted to say. I'm sure I am in a much better state than you have been, most likely because I was not alone. I can imagine very well that if such a relation is ended and one is all alone and feeling guilty, not understandin why what happened, it must be hell. It's not than my narcissit was less destructive than yours, just I was lucky to have a true friend living with me through all of this and we could support each other to not become totally mentally destructed by the abuse. After it was over, we had each other and you have been alone.

I truly can imagine what you went through and I am happy that you escaped from this, maybe I would have ended dead somewhere, as it nearly happened 11 years ago when that abuser called "wife" left me with another man for the first time and took my children with - and I was all alone...
Best wishes
David