Griffe...i'm crap at giving advice so all i can really say is the same as lyn...it wasn't a waste of my time reading this post...and you are NOT useless...you're having a hard time...but please don't be so hard on yourself over it...you DO matter and you ARE worth more than you think. i genuinely do hope these bad times pass for you soon coz you DO deserve to be happy.

be gentle to yourself and hang in there...we DO care!!!